Part of practicing yoga is learning to let go of ego. It's listening to the way our bodies feel, instead of worrying about how our bodies look. Yet that can be easier said than done, especially when seeing yogis holding advanced poses on the pages of glossy yoga magazines.
Learning to love your body takes time, patience and practice. It may involve letting go of years of internalized criticisms and finding new ways to think about both your body and your inner self. Here are some steps which may help you find your way.
1. Let go of the idea of perfection
So-called "perfect" bodies only come from Photoshop. And, even then, that "perfection" only fits a narrow definition of beauty. Remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Beauty, like art, is subjective. It comes in many forms.
When we subscribe to a narrow definition of a "perfect" body, we lose the beautiful diversity of being individuals. It's the small quirks, the mis-named "imperfections" which give us character and make us beautiful in our own way.
2. Focus on what your body can do, not on how it looks
For years I struggled with trying to lose weight and improve my general fitness. Nothing seemed to work. It felt like exercise brought more injuries and sore muscles than endorphins or visible progress. It was depressing, and I eventually decided that some people were meant to be fit and others—like me—were not. That attitude began to change when I discovered yoga.
With vinyasa yoga, my body didn't change overnight, but I began to focus on benefits besides weight loss. I noticed that I was sleeping better and felt less anxious. I noticed that I could hold poses more deeply and for longer periods of time. I could feel that I was getting stronger and having an easier time balancing.
All of those changes brought a sense of pride and accomplishment. I began to redefine my idea of "fit." I began to think of fitness in terms of strength and ability, instead of thinness. While I did eventually lose weight, it was only after I started to like my body the way it was. It was after I let go of the self-defeating thought that I just wasn't a "fit person."
Yoga may not be your ideal exercise, but something will feel right to you. Maybe walking, maybe swimming, maybe water aerobics or cardio dance. Find the activity that works for you and celebrate all of those non-visible changes. They are the start of something big.
3. Stop the negative talk, encourage positive thoughts
Stopping negative thoughts is easier said than done. Negative thoughts, or self-criticisms, can become a habit. The more you let yourself talk (or think) to yourself that way, the worse you feel, leading to more self-criticism.
Think about the negative things you say or think about yourself. Would you say those things about a friend? If you wouldn't hurt their feelings in that way, why is it okay to hurt your own?
In yoga philosophy, there is a tenet known as ahimsa, or non-violence. Ahimsa refers to not being physically violent or harmful, as well as being non-harmful in your thoughts, words or other actions. It includes being compassionate toward all living things, including yourself.
Substituting positive thoughts for negative ones requires practice. Try giving yourself three compliments each day, repeat a positive mantra while looking in the mirror and challenge any negative thoughts as they come up. Keep working at it and it will get easier.
4. Notice how food makes you feel
Food can be a complex issue when you are struggling with body issues. There is a lot of conflicting advice on what you "should" or "shouldn't" be eating. However, in my experience, finding the "right food" is an individual experience.
Well-balanced nutrition is important, but it isn't the only consideration. Instead of focusing solely on calories or other statistics, pay attention to how your body feels after you eat.
Consider your physical and mental reactions to food. Do you feel energetic or lethargic? Agile or bloated? Alert or foggy? Do your choices leave you feeling fulfilled and sustained, deprived and resentful, or satiated but guilty? Play with quantity and moderation. Try keeping a food journal to track the way you feel and make adjustments to your diet to find what is optimal for you.
For years I struggled with trying to lose weight and improve my general fitness. Nothing seemed to work. It felt like exercise brought more injuries and sore muscles than endorphins or visible progress. It was depressing, and I eventually decided that some people were meant to be fit and others—like me—were not. That attitude began to change when I discovered yoga.
With vinyasa yoga, my body didn't change overnight, but I began to focus on benefits besides weight loss. I noticed that I was sleeping better and felt less anxious. I noticed that I could hold poses more deeply and for longer periods of time. I could feel that I was getting stronger and having an easier time balancing.
All of those changes brought a sense of pride and accomplishment. I began to redefine my idea of "fit." I began to think of fitness in terms of strength and ability, instead of thinness. While I did eventually lose weight, it was only after I started to like my body the way it was. It was after I let go of the self-defeating thought that I just wasn't a "fit person."
Yoga may not be your ideal exercise, but something will feel right to you. Maybe walking, maybe swimming, maybe water aerobics or cardio dance. Find the activity that works for you and celebrate all of those non-visible changes. They are the start of something big.
3. Stop the negative talk, encourage positive thoughts
Stopping negative thoughts is easier said than done. Negative thoughts, or self-criticisms, can become a habit. The more you let yourself talk (or think) to yourself that way, the worse you feel, leading to more self-criticism.
Think about the negative things you say or think about yourself. Would you say those things about a friend? If you wouldn't hurt their feelings in that way, why is it okay to hurt your own?
In yoga philosophy, there is a tenet known as ahimsa, or non-violence. Ahimsa refers to not being physically violent or harmful, as well as being non-harmful in your thoughts, words or other actions. It includes being compassionate toward all living things, including yourself.
Substituting positive thoughts for negative ones requires practice. Try giving yourself three compliments each day, repeat a positive mantra while looking in the mirror and challenge any negative thoughts as they come up. Keep working at it and it will get easier.
4. Notice how food makes you feel
Food can be a complex issue when you are struggling with body issues. There is a lot of conflicting advice on what you "should" or "shouldn't" be eating. However, in my experience, finding the "right food" is an individual experience.
Well-balanced nutrition is important, but it isn't the only consideration. Instead of focusing solely on calories or other statistics, pay attention to how your body feels after you eat.
Consider your physical and mental reactions to food. Do you feel energetic or lethargic? Agile or bloated? Alert or foggy? Do your choices leave you feeling fulfilled and sustained, deprived and resentful, or satiated but guilty? Play with quantity and moderation. Try keeping a food journal to track the way you feel and make adjustments to your diet to find what is optimal for you.
For a long time I had an aversion to touching my own stomach or looking at myself in a full-length mirror. Seeing or touching myself would make me confront the way I felt about my body, and those were not pleasant feelings. Denial and repression were much easier. But they weren't healthy.
If you want to learn how to love your body, or even like your body, you have to start by seeing your body. Lock the door, take off your clothes, look in the mirror and run your hands over your body. Even the parts that make you wince or want to look away. If taking off your clothes is too difficult, do it in stages. Gradually getting to know your body for the way it actually looks and feels.
During this self-exploration, set one rule: no criticism. Focus on finding at least 3 things you like about your body. It doesn't matter how big or small. Describe your body to yourself in more positive terms. Rethink the way you feel about words like soft, full, angular or uneven. Think about how the same words can have a positive or negative meaning, and how you feel about that.
6. Stay in the picture
Finally, force yourself to stay in the picture. Body image issues and general insecurities can make standing in front of a camera a scary prospect. But you lose so much by staying out of the shot. You miss capturing memories with your family and friends, you miss an opportunity to witness your own happy moments and you deprive your loved ones of mementos of your time together.
Learning to love your body takes time, patience and practice. Yet it is well worth the effort. When you love your body you tend to take better care of it and also feel less inhibited about trying new things. You feel more confident and may have an easier time helping others learn to love themselves as well.
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