In the Yoga Sutras, Pantanjali outlines five yamas, moral codes for interacting with the world around us. (chapter II, verse 30) The first is ahimsa, which refers to non-violence in both words and action. Ahimsa is the foundation of morality and underlies the other yamas.
The second, satya, encourages truthfulness. However, this truthfulness is not a license to blurt out every thought just because it is what you are honestly thinking.
Satya, like everything else, must be balanced with ahimsa. Truth balances with non-violence. And the emphasis is given to non-violence.
There are times when the truth is painful, but it still needs to be told. If someone's friend dies, you can't hide that news just because it would be upsetting. On the other hand, you can use care when choosing the words that you will use to break the upsetting news—always striving to tell the truth with as little harm as possible.
On smaller matters, you can simply keep your "true" thoughts to yourself. If you don't like someone's shirt or haircut or shoes, sharing that opinion will only make them feel bad. Staying quiet is often your best option because it avoids causing harm.
Choosing when and how to be honest with your observations is not always easy, but considering other people's feelings is always worthwhile.
Take a good look at people who are proud to "tell it like it is" or be "brutally honest." What is courageous about spewing your opinions without consideration of others? Why should we look up to people who have so little self-restraint and so little regard for others?
The more difficult—and more admirable—action is to put your own desires aside long enough to consider someone else.
That being said, balancing truth and harm can be challenging, and we don't always get it right. Even when we try.
We all view the world through lenses distorted by our own experiences and insecurities. We read into the words that are said—or not said—and are often not as articulate as we would like to be.
What was meant as a compliment may be heard as a critique. What was shared as a differing perspective may be taken as disregard for another's position. We struggle to find common ground and to navigate respectfully when we cannot.
The challenges may be real, but they are not a reason to stop trying. They are not a reason to celebrate people who tell their "truth" without caring how their words may harm others.
When honesty is not balanced against its potential for harm, it stops being a virtue.
Well said. :-)
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