We live in a society where we are frequently encouraged to compete. To be better. To be more. We long to contribute something meaningful, make the most of our lives, and stand out from the crowd. We strive to be special.
What if we didn't?
What if we didn't climb the corporate ladder? What if we didn't keep up with the Joneses? What if we didn't define our worth by status or by comparisons to others?
The Value of Drive (Tapas)
Competition is not necessarily bad. Setting goals, and working to achieve them, can give our lives more depth and help us grow. We need drive to reach those goals, and to overcome life's challenges, and that drive can sometimes come from a bit of competition.
If we put this into yogic terms, we can think of this drive, or passion to succeed, as tapas. In the Yoga Sutras, Patanjali explores the value of tapas, while also explaining the need to balance tapas (drive) with santosa (contentment).
The Value of Contentment (Santosa)
Our society is good at encouraging us to push harder and strive for more, but it's not as adept at appreciating the value of contentment. We are so concerned with what we think we should achieve, that we forget to appreciate what we have already achieved.
We are so concerned with who we think we should be, that we forget to value who we already are.
The truth is that we already have value. We do not have to prove ourselves to others to be special. We do not have to prove ourselves to ourselves to be special. We are already special. Exactly the way we already are.
We deserve to live in this world. We deserve to be happy.
When Tapas Takes Over
If we are constantly encouraged to compete, to be better, to be more—without taking time for contentment—we will burn out. We work to achieve a goal, then move on to the next goal without taking time to appreciate the rewards of the goal we just achieved. We may not even see that we reached a goal, because we've already moved the bar a bit higher.
We set impossible goals with moving targets. We dismiss our success.
What's worse, this constant push to be better and do more is self-sabotage. Without nurturing our contentment, we have no confidence to feed our drive. Without nurturing our contentment, we feed our self-doubt.
The Cycle of Self-Doubt
Why is it so hard to accept ourselves? Why is it so hard to appreciate our own value? Why do we often feel that we are not yet good enough?
When we do not nurture feelings of contentment with ourselves, the way we already are, we give more strength to our thoughts of self-doubt.
Self-doubt is part of human nature. Perhaps a touch of self-doubt can tamper our confidence just enough to keep us from being reckless—and that can be a good thing. Yet when self-doubt becomes overdeveloped, it stops being useful. Instead of being a tool to encourage caution, it becomes a wrecking ball that tears down our confidence.
The more self-doubt we feel, the less content we feel. The less content we feel, the less drive we have to succeed. The less success we see, the more self-doubt we feel. And the cycle continues.
Overdeveloped self-doubt is powerful. It undermines our contentment, and it undermines our drive as well. It holds us back from reaching our dreams and, given time, it can keep us from dreaming at all.
Breaking the Cycle to Find Balance
When it comes to self-doubt, the biggest challenge may be to believe one basic idea:
Self-doubt is not truth.
This can be very hard to accept. Self-doubt feels true. It seems to be based on experience. Yet self-doubt is based on fear and it feeds on negative experiences. It doesn't notice the positive experiences. It doesn't notice our successes or the value we already, inherently have.
Self-doubt is a warning system that can easily run out of control. Instead of being a suggestion that adds caution and limits recklessness, it becomes a voice that overwhelms our confidence. But being strong, does not make it true.
So what do we do? It may feel like reaching some huge goal would be the best way to lessen self-doubt and build our confidence. But what if it doesn't work that way? What if we've conditioned ourselves to not appreciate our successes?
What if we started with contentment instead? What if we tried to overcome self-doubt by appreciating ourselves where we are and how we are, right here and right now?
When you begin to think about the relationship between drive and contentment (tapas and santosa), it may become easier to see how one feeds the other to create balance. Perhaps you can also see how that balance may make it easier to achieve goals, build confidence, and lessen self-doubt.
But one step at a time.
Begin with contentment. Begin noticing one thing that you appreciate about yourself each day. Begin setting aside some time, perhaps during a yoga class or when meditating, to practice self-acceptance.
With time and practice, you may be amazed by the true value contentment can bring.
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